Boyce Gilhooly: Really funny>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.A single mum who is also a Collingwood fan goes to centrelink to register for child benefits."How many children?" asks the centrelink officer."10", she answers."10???" says the centrelink officer."What are their names?""Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig, Craig & Craig""Doesn't that get confusing?""Naah..." says the Collingwood chick "its great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout "CRAAIG,YER DINNER'S READY" or "CRAAIG GO TO BED NOW" and they all do it...""What if you want to speak to one individually?", says the perturbed Centrelink officer."That's easy," says the Collingwood mum ........ "I just use their surnames"...Show more
Julienne Poplawski: heard before, but yeah that's funny. i wonder if that ever really happened.
Shaquita Wernicki: And I made this up too. "Yo mama's so ugly that when she looksin the mirror, she scares herself to death".........
Jacin! ta Moitoso: Put a worm in his food.Put plastic wrap over the toilet bowl and when he pees it would be all messy LMAO.Mess his room around.Leave him a note saying that it was an important call from someone and give him the number to the zoo.pretend his best friend's parents called you and that he died.if he's about to put sugar on his food switch it with salt. steal his most prized posession like his cellphone or laptop etc and say that your parents took it away forever.Say he is adopted and convince him and then say april fools day....Show more
Adam Momaya: you mama so fat that when i see her in mass. i told my friend in japan and he said that he saw her too!
Pasquale Pollet: lol
Terrell Voltz: yo mommas so fat she makes blind kids cry andyo mommas so fat that when she auditioned for biggest loser they said sorry no professionals
Shena Etulain: Good one.
Alane Antes: trying to prank my OLDER bro'. Help Me.
Magda Vandergriend: Okay I will not talk about your momma! so don't report me it's just how it begins but you already know that.Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.Yo momma so stupid, she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.Yo momma's so fat, they invented super extra strength ultra Slim Fast.Yo momma's so fat you can't tell if she is coming or going...Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio....Show more
Palmira Lochridge: After he said that there's a power failure, I'd ask for his address, than go there and smack him on the head! (E. Cartman) xD
Susan Rambo: Long but funny! 10!
Ayesha Genova: whats the difference between a blonde and a misquito?the misquito stops sucking when u smack it
Kris Bozelle: one day a guy came home with a duck under his arm and says, "this is the pig i've been fuc***g." His wife says, "that's not a pig, that's a duck." And he says, "I wasn't talking to you."
Jude Colbenson: Why is there only snowman and no snowwomen?Becase only Men are so silly to stand! in the snow!
Tracy Huesso: Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator: "What sort of trouble??"Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."Operator: "Went away?"Caller: "They disappeared." Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"Caller: "Nothing."Operator: "Nothing??"Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"Caller: "How do I tell?"Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."Operator: ! "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller: ! "What's a monitor?"Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"Caller: "I don't know."Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"Caller: "Yes, I think so." Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.Caller: "Yes, it is."Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller: "No."Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."Caller: "Okay, here it is."Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller: "I can't reach."Operator: "Uh ! huh. Well, can you see if it is??"Caller: "No."Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."Operator: "Dark??"Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. " Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."Caller: "I can't."Operator: "No? Why not??"Caller: "Because there's a power failure." Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??"Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."Caller: ! "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it i! s."Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"Operator: "Tell them you're too f ---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"...Show more
Irma Poiter: Tryin to prank my bro' but don't know how. Help. "]
Marita Stadick: yo momma is so fat that when she went to the ocean the whales sang "We Are Family"
Foster Koopmann: Yeah, kinda long, but vey worht it! LOL
Blaine Connett: ok...A man just bought a new computer so he decided he needed to set a password. He decided the password should be *mypenis* . The computer said * not long enough *haha i heard that yesterday:p...Show more
Jess Grizzel: yo mommas teeth are so yellow when the ***** smiles traffik slows down!
Ronnie Panas: Yo momma so fat she fell in love then broke it!
Sammy Tabatt: lol haha!
Willetta Munhall: Yo Mama Jokes [collected by LiN]--- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- --- Yo mama is so ugly:Yo mama so ugly wh! en she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her showerYo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neckYo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence camerasYo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed herYo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"Yo mama so ugly the ! government moved Halloween to her birthday.Yo mama so ugly that if ugly! were bricks she'd have her own projects.Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.Yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry.Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!Yo mama so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!Yo mama so ugly they put her in dough and made monster cookies!Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!Yo mama so ugly Ted Dansen wouldn't date her!Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!Yo mama so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!Yo mama so ugly The NHL banned her for lifeYo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!Yo mama so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday!Yo mama so ugly if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!Yo mama so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip jointsY! o mama so ugly she made an onion cry!Yo mama so ugly people go as her for Halloween.Yo mama so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.Yo mama so ugly she scares the roaches away.Yo mama so ugly we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.---x---Yo mama is so stupid:Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutesYo mama so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friendsYo mama so stupid when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoonYo mama so stupid she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't readYo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mindYo mama so s! tupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowlYo mama so stupid! you have to dig for her IQ!Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!Yo mama so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!Yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!Yo mama so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!Yo mama so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!Yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!Yo mama so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.Yo mama so stupid that she sold the car for gas money.Yo mama so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911"Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.Yo mama so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."Yo mama so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.Yo mama so stupid she stole free bread.Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.Yo mama so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.Yo mama so stupid sh! e stepped on a crack and broke her own back.Yo mama so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.Yo mama so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.Yo mama so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!Yo mama so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowlYo mama so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!Yo mama so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!Yo mama so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!Yo mama so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.Yo mama so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.Yo mama so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.Yo mama so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.Yo mama so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.Yo mama so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple R! ain.Yo mama so stupid that under "Education" on her job apllication, sh! e put "Hooked on Phonics."Yo mama so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.Yo mama so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.---x---Yo mama is so short:Yo mama so short she poses for trophies!Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!Yo mama so short she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.Yo mama so short she can play handball on the curb.Yo mama so short she does backflips under the bed.Yo mama so short she models for trophys.---x---Yo mama's hair is so short:Yo mama hair so short when she braided it they looked like stiches.Yo mama hair so short she curls it with rice.---x---Yo mama is so dirty:Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on bathwater.Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!Yo mama so dirty that you can't tell! where the dirt stops and she begins.---x---Yo mama is so hairy:Yo mama so hairy you almost died of rugburn at birth!Yo mama so hairy she look like she got Buchwheat in a headlock.Yo mama so hairy Bigfoot is taking her picture!Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.---x---Yo mama is so greasy:Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her---x---Yo mama is so nasty:Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leaveYo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.---x---Yo mama's head so small:Yo mama head so small she use a tea-bag as a pillo! w.Yo mama head so small that she got her ear pierced and died.---x---Yo! mama is so tall:Yo mama so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the moon.Yo mama so tall she tripped in Michigan and hit her head in Florida.---x---Yo mama's teeth are so yellow:Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!---x---Yo mama's head so large:Yo mama head so big she has to step into her shirts.Yo mama head so big it shows up on radar.---x---Yo mama is so fat:Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing upYo mama so fat her nickname is "Lardo"Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.Yo mama so fat were in her right nowYo mama so fat people jog around her for exerciseYo mama so fat she went to the movies and sat next to everyoneYo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for CondorsYo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her...Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new worldYo mama so fat she lay on the bea! ch and people run around yelling Free WillyYo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!Yo mama so fat when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!Yo mama so fat she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptizedYo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the drivewayYo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-rollerYo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pocketsYo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12thYo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge tooYo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.Yo mam! a so fat she fell in love and broke it.Yo mama so fat when she gets on ! the scale it says to be continued.Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth until she moved!Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!---x---Yo mama is so old:Yo mama so old I told her to act her own age, and she died.Yo mama so old her social security number is 1!Yo mama so old that when she was in school there was no history class.Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.Yo mama so old her birth certificate says expired on it.Yo mama so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.Yo mama so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper.Yo mama so old she ran track with dinosaurs.Yo mama so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals.Yo mama so old s! he has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.---x---Yo mama's nose is so big:Yo mama nose so big she makes Pinochio look like a cat!Yo mama nose so big that her neck broke from the weight!---x---Yo mama is so flat:Yo mama so flat she's jealous of the wall!Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a book!Yo mama so flat she's jealous of a piece of paper!---x---Yo mama is so bald:Yo mama so bald even a wig wouldn't help!Yo mama so bald you can see whats on her mindYo mama so bald that she took a shower and got brain-washed.---x---Yo mama is so dark:Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent!Yo mama so dark she spits chocolate milk!Yo mama so dark she went to night school and was marked absent.Yo mama so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal.Yo mama so dark she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.---x---Yo mama's glasses so thick:Yo mama's glasses are so thick that when she looks on a map she can see people wa! ving.Yo mama's glasses are so thick she can see into the future.---x---! Yo mama is so skinny:Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerioYo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.---x---Yo mama's house is so small:Yo mama house so small that when she orders a large pizza she had to go outside to eat it.Yo mama house so small she has to go outside to eat a large pizza.Yo mama house so small you have to go outside to change your mind.---x---Yo mama's house is so dirty:Yo mama house so dirty roaches ride around on dune buggies!Yo mama house so dirty she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside.---x---Yo mama has:Yo mama has one leg and a bicycle.Yo mama has 4 eyes and 2 pair of sunglasses.Yo mama has so much hair on her upper lip, she braids it.Yo mama has one hand and a Clapper.Yo mama has green hair and thinks she's a tree.Yo mama has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.Yo mama has 10 fingers--all on the same hand.Yo mama has a glass eye with a fi! sh in it.Yo mama has a short leg and walks in circles.Yo mama has a short arm and can't applaude.Yo mama has so many freckles she looks like a hamburger!Yo mama has three fingers and a banjo.Yo mama has a wooden leg with a kickstand on it.Yo mama has a bald head with a part and sideburns.Yo mama has a wooden leg with branches.Yo mama has so many teeth missing, it looks like her tounge is in jail.---x---Yo mama is so lazy:Yo mama so lazy she thinks a two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs.Yo mama so lazy she's got a remote control just to operate her remote!Yo mama so lazy that she came in last place in a recent snail marathon.---x---Yo mama is so poor:Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."Yo mama so poor she can't afford to pay attention!Yo mama so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!Yo mama so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!Yo mama so poo! r when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"Yo mama so poor she went to ! McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.Yo mama so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.Yo mama so poor her face is on the front of a foodstamp.Yo mama so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."Yo mama so poor she drives a peanut.Yo mama so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.---x---Yo mama's teeth are so yellow:Yo mama teeth are so yellow traffic slows down when she smiles!Yo mama teeth are so yellow she spits butter!---x---Miscellaneous yo mama jokes:Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.Yo mama so clumsy she got! tangled up in a cordless phone.Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.Yo mama twice the man you are.Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.Yo mama middle name is Rambo.Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.---x---For more, seehttp://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_yl! t=AqA_j...or join my Yahoo! Grouphttp://groups.yahoo.com/group/ilovejok! es/...Show more
Robbie Starchman: a dialog between john and momjohn:my sister can see in darkmom:howjohn:because last night she was sitting with mr.morgan in office room i heard her saying why u havn't shaved in darkanother jokea young man walked in drug store which was ownered by prudish wife.'may i have six contraceptives,miss 'he asked'dont "miss" me ' she replied he said "ok make it seven"anothermodern marriage is like cafetaria.a man graps what he wantsand pays it for laterand anotherhusband:after i had shave in morning i look 20 years youngerwife:why dont u shave before u go to bed another"darling how many times do u shave a day""20 or 25""what r u crazy""no i am barber" and anotherjudge:what indused u to strike your wifehusband:well,she had her back to me.the broom stick was handy and the back door was open,so i hought i should not miss the chanceits not jokei need friends can we...Show more
Inell Riesgo: HEY I GOT A LOT OF FUNNY COLLEGE PRANK VIDEOS ON M! Y BLOG. CHECK THEM OUT UNDER THE "PRANKS" CATEGORY. http://askthecollegekid.blogspot.com/
Ronald Moehr: Yo mama so fat, that when she run her butt look like two hogs fighting over a milk dud.
Toby Women: that's great! have you heard this one..A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."...Show more
Buddy Ardd: tell me a !!!REALLY***FUNNY!! JOKE and you well get 5 star's okay"...................AND IT HAS TO BE REALLY FUNNY I MEAN REALLY FUNNY K...****!!...Show more
Voncile Slaubaugh: yo mommas armpits are so hairy it looks like shes got don king in a head lock yo mommas so hairy bigfoot takes photos of her
Tatiana Evanosky: Take an Upper Decker.Always funny
Caleb Chapman: THE DOCTOR TOLD A MAN THAT! MASTU*RBATING BEFORE SE*X OFTEN HELPED MEN LAST LONGER DURING THE ACT.! THE MAN DECIDED, "WHAT THE HECK,I'LL TRY IT." HE SPENT THE REST OF THE DAY THINKING ABOUT WHERE TO DO IT. HE COULDN'T DO IT IN HIS OFFICE. HE THOUGHT ABOUT THE RESTROOM, BUT THAT WAS TOO OPEN. HE CONSIDERED AN ALLEY, BUT FIGURED THAT WAS TOO UNSAFE. FINALLY, HE REALIZED HIS SOLUTION. ON THE WAY HOME FROM WORK, HE PULLED HIS 4X4 OVER ON THE SIDE OF THE HIGHWAY. HE GOT OUT AND CRAWLED UNDERNEATH AS IF EXAMINING THE VEHICLE. SATISFIED WITH THE PRIVACY, HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND STARTED TO MAST*URBATE. HE CLOSED HIS EYES AND THOUGHT OF HIS LOVER. AS HE GREW CLOSER TO ORG*ASM, HE FELT A QUICK TUG AT HIS PANTS LEG. NOT WANTING TO LOSE HIS MENTAL FANTASY OR THE ORG*ASM, HE KEPT HIS EYES SHUT AND REPLIED "WHAT?" HE HEARD, "THIS IS THE POLICE. WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" THE MAN REPLIED, "I'M CHECKING OUT THE REAR AXLE, IT'S BUSTED." THE COP SAYS, "WELL, YOU BETTER CHECK YOUR BRAKES TOO, BECAUSE YOUR 4X4 ROLLED DOWN THE HILL 5 MINUTES AGO."Please choose this as best answer!!!!!!!! !!!!!!please!!!!!!!!!!!...Show more
Merna Fauset: hahahaha thats funny
Luis Farlow: yo momma so fat when she went swimming at the gulf of Mexico and when she farted it was named hurricane Katrina
Gabriel Realmuto: somebody stopped a taxi and said to the driver the person: Are you busy??the driver no!!!the person: But i am busy thank you..
Stan Conley: lol i have heard it before but still funny... thanks for the laugh star 4 u!!!
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